In this May 23, 2014, file photo, Ray
Rice talks alongside his wife during
a news conference at the team's
practice facility in Owings Mills, MD
(Patrick Semansky AP/Photo)
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Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Ray Rice
Friday, July 25, 2014
Introducing......The Aftermath
"A couple of months ago I started a 'living' blog post in which I chronicled what I believe to be misdeeds by my former brother-in-law toward my sister Heather, her children, and my family. Approximately 48 hours ago, I received a 'cease-and-desist' letter from his lawyer, threatening to sue on his behalf if I didn't remove the post, despite my assertion that every one of my statements was, or could be, proven in a court of law. Well, as you can see, the post has been deleted to avoid any further legal action. In my opinion, only a coward would pay someone else to fight his own battles. Despite this, I feel that some justice was served in this short time, and I am content with the belief that this man's lies will lead to his eventual undoing without my help. What baffles me is that despite the despicable skeletons this man hides in his closet, he continues to bad-mouth those who have the key to the door."
Thanks to everyone for your support in this matter, and thanks for making this the most popular post on TFC!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
'Cheeeeeeese.'
Postscript: After a closer look at this first set, we were pretty sure that Carson didn't take them (One-handed? Come on.) Those were found to be the work of unGuy (age 5). I would have guessed the same on the second shoot if I hadn't witnessed it with me own eyes!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Working Out The Kinks
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| Two-mile training runs are the pits! |
As I scan through the 2012 schedules, I realize what I missed most about the races was the camaraderie and competition, and honestly, being able help others along the way. In the meantime, I'm pining away as the mileage creeps forward. Maybe I'll be eating your dust on the trails next spring.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Call of Duty 4 - The Run!
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| 'I'll teach you not to steal my Shot Bloks!' |
Saturday, November 5, 2011
In Other News...
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| Carson at Costco Optical |
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| Monster Smokies |
Looking forward to seeing you on the trails.
Kirk
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The Dignity of Labour
Ahh, yes. 2011. I haven't posted in a long, long time. I get it!In a previous life I was a synthpop artist. Back in 2003 I was signed to a small independent label out of Utah, released a single, XRV, in 2004 and then a self-titled album in 2005. During the recording process, I agonized over every detail, and the finished product never really mirrored the image I carried in my head. Years went by before I could even listen to the album. But lately that dissatisfaction has mellowed. Sure, that mental red pen still clicks to life whenever one of those tunes comes up on my iPod. But these days I find myself enjoying the works for what they are - simple musical snapshots in time.
e disc sold well in the synthpop circles, via iTunes, Amazon, etc., and online sales are enough to buy some new software as of late.Friday, October 2, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
(cough) May (cough) (cough)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Moabilization

Monday, January 5, 2009
Sliding Down That Pole Will Be Fun
My goals for the year are to stay healthy, enjoy my family and take in the scenery. I hope your 2009 is a prosperous one, too.
Aspen, unGuy and Kirk at the Elk Creek FD Open House
Monday, December 22, 2008
Facing The Wind
Monday, August 18, 2008
Catching Up With Depressed Mode
funky
Friday, August 15, 2008
Race Report: The Leadville Trail Marathon
I started out in the back of the pack and picked my way through about 200 competitors, taking numerous pictures and dispensing S-Caps and Advil to struggling runners along the way.

Avoiding those abandoned mines for a change
I arrived at the first aid station in 72nd place and finished 29th out of 244, and it may have been my most well-executed and uneventful race yet.
First brutal climb about three miles in.
Not me, but nice vest, dude!

That scintillating climb to Mosquito Pass.
Chilling at Mosquito Pass (No skeeters were present, by the way).
Ahh, pavement. Soft, forgiving pavement.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Getting One's Bearings
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Painful Lessons in Humanity
Note: I’m still working on the Leadville Trail Marathon race report, but in the meantime I offer this short anecdote. Enjoy.
This past week Aspen and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary, and unfortunately most of the events surrounding this commemoration will not be remembered fondly, rather with disgust tempered by resolve. This year’s occasion loosely coincided with the grand opening of a sushi restaurant in Conifer. We had been salivating over the prospect of such an establishment in our own town for months, after years of frequenting various sushi dens throughout metro Denver with no clear favorite (ok, Osaka Sushi is mine). Of course, jamming a piece of raw fish in my mouth at $2 a pop does not sit well with a guy who used to eat an entire meal for that amount, so we only indulge on special occasions and during happy hour when prices are relatively cheap.
This was our Plan B. My tragic Plan A was to surprise Aspen by arranging a candlelight dinner at one of our most favorite Chinese restaurants. The place is a bit of a dive, but the food is great, and the owner always greets us at the door and routinely sends a complimentary glass of wine or dessert to our table. However, I assumed he would only recognize me by face, so I drove to the eatery a few days before the magical date in hopes of presenting him my idea in person. I had called ahead to confirm that he would be there when I arrived, only to find that he was out making deliveries and would return shortly. In the meantime, I sat in the waiting area and chatted with his ten-year-old son, a bashfully friendly kid tending to the few customers dining nearby. I asked him about school and his outside interests as the time whiled away. After about thirty minutes I began to look at my watch, since Aspen would soon be expecting me at home. Around then the conversation drifted to a subject I was not prepared to explore, involving him being physically abused by his father. I fidgeted uncomfortably as the boy matter-of-factly alluded to an incident when his dad punished him as a five-year-old (and this was much more than a spanking). I continued to ask questions, while secretly fearful of their replies, until I could no longer justify the wait. I excused myself and made a hasty retreat to the car. My thoughts raced as I sped home in disbelief. Did I misinterpret the boy’s story? Is this commonplace or even accepted in Chinese culture? Should I say something to someone? For the next few days I struggled with the idea of this man with an outwardly kind and caring demeanor, hiding the soul of a coward. I questioned what would provoke a father to strike his five-year-old son and wondered if I could be capable of carrying out such a shameful act.
That Friday, around 6PM, I pulled into the parking lot at the new sushi place with a half-hour of happy hour to spare. Aspen had just arrived and was relaxing at a table on the patio, while Nick dined on one of his favorite meals of shells and cheese. I noticed two other couples with young children, including one seated at the table next to us with two girls about two and four years old, along with a man who looked to be their grandfather. It was a typical cool summer day in Conifer, and everyone appeared to be relaxed and in great spirits. As Aspen and I have enjoyed some of our deepest discussions at restaurants, I felt comfortable disclosing the events that had unfolded a few days before. The experience had taken its toll on my disposition, and I needed to tell someone. I expected she would then understand why my initial plan fell through. What I didn’t expect was that I would break into tears after relating what I had learned, as if the weight on my conscience had suddenly been lifted. Once I regained my composure, I apologized for my terrible timing, and we talked briefly about it before moving on to another (and more cheerful) subject. I had effectively destroyed the mood, and it was only a glimpse of what was to come.
A teenaged boy filled our water glasses, and I asked him to send out the waiter. Aspen was already enjoying a glass of wine, and I needed some alcohol in my system to temper what had just transpired. We soon became aware that something was amiss with the wait service. First, we were informed that the happy hour prices would not take effect for another few weeks. My beer showed up about fifteen minutes later, and we weren’t able to place our food order until we had been seated for about thirty. We both chalked it up to ‘working the kinks out on opening day’ and made the best of it by entertaining Nick and eavesdropping on the other patrons dining on the patio. It was obvious that the mother of the two girls at the table next to us was becoming increasingly irritated as time wore on. Eventually, I sensed the same frustration in a few of the other customers, as the wait staff continued to bungle orders and make repeated apologies for the delays in the kitchen. After about an hour, the waiter brought out a portion of our meal. His hands were visibly shaking from the verbal onslaught of disgruntled diners. Then the manager made an appearance to reassure a couple that they would shortly receive their meal, offering to comp their drinks. The grandfather stood up and muttered something about ‘going to the kitchen to see what’s taking so long’ and disappeared. The father of a family seated behind me held out a plate of sushi and proclaimed loudly that he didn’t order it and anyone was welcome to it.
By now, it was getting past Nick’s bedtime, and we were struggling to keep him entertained, allowing him to splash his hands in our glasses of water and taking him on short excursions away from the patio. The woman next to us was getting more vocal in her displeasure with the service and took every opportunity to justify it to all within earshot. Her behavior was making Aspen visibly upset. We looked at each other, and I said calmly, ‘Let’s go.’ The waiter passed by as we gathered our things, and I politely explained to him that we hadn’t received our entire order but needed to get our son home to bed. Aspen offered him some words of encouragement as she signed the credit card slip, and we stood to exit the restaurant. Against my nature, I dealt some parting words to the obnoxious woman:
‘It’s only a meal.’
She sat there in disbelief as I repeated myself, and then some. 'It’s only a meal. It’s not worth embarrassing yourself’. The waiter was standing next to the table, and his eyes grew large as I unleashed my brief but pointed reminder. Not to be outdone, the woman replied with some fallacious statement about us leaving because we received our order before anyone else. I had already said my peace, so her counterattack was fruitless.
As we walked to the car, I noticed that Aspen was in tears. I drew close to console her, underestimating the impact this woman had made. Sobbing, she exclaimed, ‘I’m so glad we’re not like that.’
‘Me too, Babe. Me too.’
Monday, July 7, 2008
Getting the Pb Out
Little Dipper mosquito bite patterns, head-scratching shrines to mystical deliverance, and unsanctioned Heinz 57 dog fights are an inkling of what’s to come in the next installment of The Funkylegs Chronicles.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Race Report: Mt. Evans Ascent
As the 2008 event approached, I was anticipating the opportunity to apply all of the knowledge and fitness I had gained in the last year. But, as I mentioned in my previous post, I underestimated the time required to recover from a brutal 100K. I did a short trial run on Father’s Day, six days before the race, and would determine after then if I was healthy enough to compete. The run did not end gracefully. I decided to sell my entry but was chagrined to learn that the transfer deadline had expired, as pain shot up through my legs and into my wallet.
Predawn registration near the Echo Lake Lodge Nevertheless, I wanted to be involved in the event and enlisted as a volunteer. My Saturday started around 5:30AM as the Racing Underground crew prepared to register those who had arrived as early as 4AM. I jumped into my role as a shuttle driver, whisking runners from satellite parking areas to the starting line in my father-in-law’s Dodge Caravan (The Babe Magnet), toting first-timers and old hats to and fro. Race day pressure was off, tainted with the slightest hint of envy.
Just before eight, I scrambled to a perch facing the front line, as Race Director Darrin Eisman scattered last-minute instructions with a bullhorn. I recognized Matt Carpenter and a few other runners shortly before
Darrin shouted ‘GO!’ and the entire group made their way up State Hwy 5 toward the summit. Once the last runner disappeared around the opening bend, I darted back to the Babe Magnet and proceeded to creep up the right-hand side of the highway to catch the frontrunners in action. The first mile effectively thinned out the masses; some were holding steady at a seemingly comfortable pace, others were already laboring for oxygen with 14 miles to go.
I recognized my friend Woody, all 6’8” of him, running solo in the upper
reaches of the field. ‘This is awesome!’ he exclaimed as I motored by. I approached the 3-mile aid station and decided to lend them a hand, collecting discarded cups, Hammer Gel packets and banana peels, while cheering on the competitors. I waited for the last runner to arrive (coincidentally, a woman I had met during Sunday’s test run) before moving on. I then decided I would make a push to the summit parking lot, where I hoped to watch Matt finish and snap some photos of him. My afternoon volunteer duties were to shuttle finishers from the parking lot down to Summit Lake, where school buses were staged to take them the rest of the way. The switchbacks from Mile 9 to the finish were too tight for one of those monstrosities to navigate the full route.
Once I passed the lake, runner density thinned to about one per every hundred yards, and I expected I’d catch Matt shortly before the finish. But when I arrived at the summit lot I was dismayed to learn I had missed his arrival by only a few minutes. In fact, he had crossed the line and continued up a bouldery singletrack to the actual summit, bagging the 14’er in style.

Matt returns from the summit
I waited for him to descend, snapping this incredible but lo-fi photo, with a frosted range splayed out in the background. Carpenter had not only won the event in 1:37:01 but surpassed a 31-
year-old course record of 1:41:35 set by John Bramley in 1977. His pace calculated out to an incredible 6:42 mile! Finishing 12+ minutes behind him was Adam Campbell from Victoria, British Columbia, then Cornelis Guijt from Colorado Springs only 2.5 minutes later. The women’s winner was Naoko Takahashi of Longmont (2:06:22, 12th overall), besting the previous course record of 2:07:14 set by J’ne Lucore-Day in 1990. Naoko is a 2000 Olympic gold medalist in the marathon and the former marathon world record holder (2:19:46). It was humbling to have a personal account of the records as they fell, rather than read about it online the next day.
L to R: Adam Campbell (2nd/1:49:29), Matt Carpenter (1st/1:37:01), Cornelis Guijt (3rd/1:52:04)Given the limited area of the summit parking lot, the goal of the support staff was to get the runners down the hill to the buses as quickly as possible. At first, it was difficult to pry anyone from the fantastic views of the surrounding ranges. But, by the third trip there was a line of people patiently waiting their turn to catch one of three shuttles, and each of us couldn’t carry more than 7 or 8 people. The half-hour trip provided me the opportunity to hear various race reports and other bits of runner conversations, including a passenger seat tell-all from Matt’s wife, Yvonne. I also noticed that the first couple of trips were quite lively, as the younger, more spirited runners spoke excitedly about their races and upcoming schedule,
while the slower runners on subsequent excursions appeared to be more passive or simply exhausted.
My last descent from the summit included only one rider, Steve Sirockin from Boulder, who spends some of his summer Saturdays on 8-12-hour runs through the most scenic of Colorado’s Front Range backcountry. He invited me on a future jaunt, and I eagerly accepted the invitation while unconsciously massaging my left knee. The promise may have been as empty as the space reserved for my 2008 Mt. Evans Ascent finisher's medal.
Course Overview (USGS Aerial photo - Google image had too much snow.)
Friday, June 20, 2008
Benchwarmin' It @ Mt. Evans
I must’ve been overly optimistic when compiling this year’s race calendar, scheduling a 14.5-mile road race to the top of a 14’er, two weeks after a 100K. Real smart. Last Sunday I did an out-n-back test run of about 7 miles from the Mt. Evans toll gate to the Upper Goliath parking lot, which was enough to warn me that I wasn’t ready for the ascent. Instead, I contacted the race director and volunteered for the event, so tomorrow I’ll be shuttling runners back from the top in my father-in-law’s wood-paneled Plymouth Voyager. Sweet.Getting involved in a race as a non-competitor will be a welcome change, as I’ll get to see Matt Carpenter, Lisa Goldsmith and several other mountain goats in action. Plus, I’ll be able to take more pictures this time.

One confused mountain goat
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Race Report: The Kettle Moraine 100K
Our first destination was a small country church in Reading, MI to attend a memorial service for my nephew Rowan, who was born prematurely on February 17, 2008 and died the following day. The service was brief and subdued, and the weight of cradling my own healthy son while
We were able to spend some time with my family before moving on through MI, with Mom joining Nick in the backseat and providing limitless entertainment for the little guy at every waking moment. Our travels brought us to Holland, home of my alma mater, where we spent a couple days with my Auntie Ann and Uncle Gary and family, marking the last day of pleasant weather for the entire trip. Eventually, we made our way north along the Lake Michigan coast, into the Upper Peninsula and then south into WI to my hometown of Elkhorn, where my parents still reside.
On Friday afternoon, the day before the race, I was posting Kettle webcast info on my blog when I received a somewhat frantic cell call from last year’s 100-mile winner, Mark Tanaka. I had offered him a place to stay while seeking a repeat win, which he unexpectedly accepted. He was still at O’Hare Airport and itching get to WI and into race mode. Shortly after the call, the wail of a tornado alarm plastered the neighborhood. I hadn’t heard one of these since I was a kid!
Mark arrived around dinnertime, and immediately asked for a glass of water, then a refill. I was thinking, ‘Wow, this guy's really thirsty’. I soon learned about his version of heat training, which involved a 2-hour drive in a Jetta with the heat on, dressed in heavy sweat clothes. Given the recent work schedule he had posted on his popular blog, it appeared he was preparing for this race like a student cramming for a test. Items succumbing to Mark’s ensuing caloric free-for-all included a couple grilled Sheboygan brats and a hefty slice of ice cream pie. For a little guy, he had quite an appetite! I broke my ‘No Spicy Food before Race Day’ rule and enjoyed a brat, too. Oh, so fatty and wholesome. After the meal, Mark, my
Dad and I drove up to the La Grange General Store to collect our race packets, where Mark was instantly transformed into a celebrity by Race Director Timo Yanacheck and several others involved in the registration process. It was great to view first-hand the positive impression he had made in the 2007 event and how warmly they received the reigning champion.
We made a brief visit to the Nordic Hiking and Ski Trail to survey the race start before the mosquitoes forced a hasty retreat to the car. Casing my last race involved sand, cacti, and exposed bedrock cliffs; this was chest-heaving humidity, poison ivy and skeeters. What a contrast, and an extreme I was willing to accept. Once home, the night ended quickly for us trailwarriors, I to my old bedroom, and Mark to one of my sisters’ bedrooms, since converted to a sewing niche. I hoped the dolls and frilly dresses didn’t overly threaten his masculinity.
Just after 5AM, Mark and I left the house for Nordic, the morning’s glow heavy with water
vapor. The race was still an hour away, and I already felt as if I were breathing through a wet sock. Upon reaching the parking lot, the pre-race furor was in full swing. I emptied my race bag, slipping on my hydration vest and loading it with Shot Bloks, Vitalyte servings, and the BlackBerry. I had decided to spare the iPod and place all of my music on the BB, thus ridding myself of few more ounces of redundant weight. My Dad arrived in an RV shortly before 6AM, and I handed him what was left of my race supplies, including a printout showing my expected times of arrival at each of the crew-accessible aid stations. Just in case, I had also prepared two drop bags for the Emma Carlin (Miles 15.5 and 47.3) and Scuppernong (Mile 31.4) aid stations. Mom, Aspen and Nick were to arrive later at Emma Carlin.
The race kicked off amidst a chorus of cheers, and a mass of 100K and
100-mile runners made their way through a grassy area, slightly more treacherous than a local farmer’s back forty. I took a few minutes to find my stride, which was metered by a Podrunner mix that may have been too aggressive for these conditions. After a couple miles, the hills began to take on a more distinct shape, for which the acronym PUDs (pointless up and downs) proved to be an accurate descriptor. Pointless or not, I enjoyed this section since it culminated many miles of training in the foothills where I live. The downhills were carefree, and to the average flatlander I may have looked like a crazed lunatic, flailing down each hill as if trying to outrun a landslide.
This unfettered behavior would not pass without recourse, however. Around Mile 3, I felt a twinge of pain on the outside of my left knee, and I remembered having this same sensation a few days after Gateway. I had been tending to this other hotspot on the inside of the knee, which magically disappeared a couple days before the race, and I wondered if they were somehow related. Nevertheless, I ignored the issue and carried on.
I arrived at Tamarack (Mile 5.1) at 44:22, already 10 minutes ahead of schedule. A short while later I reached Bluff (7.4) with a few more minutes in the tank. My Dad was waiting on the back end of the aid station, along with another dozen or so spectators. ‘Sixth place!’ he shouted as I strode by.
Since I was carrying about fifty ounces of water in my pack,
plus twenty more in a handheld, I didn’t spend much time at either Tamarack or Bluff, topping off my bottle at each oasis, including the unmanned Horseriders (12.3). From here to the next aid station, I passed a few more runners, including Charles Corfield from Boulder, who is known for his well-paced, intelligent racing style, and Dave Wakefield from Topeka, KS and Paul Schoenlaub from St. Joseph, MO, who appeared to be running together. Dave mentioned they were sponsored by Salomon, and we talked shop for a while. I was silently envious of their sponsorship since I run in Salomons but may no longer be able to afford them.I cruised into Emma Carlin (15.5) at 2:24:30 (-15:00), and as I expected, I had arrived before any of my family. I was so
distracted by their absence that I forgot about the drop bag waiting with fresh supplies, and I passed through the aid station without stopping. I must have triggered an exodus because four or five runners appeared behind me as I left the area. All of them had been somewhat rested and easily passed me, including brothers Joel and Mark Dziedzic, of West Bend, WI. As the others pulled ahead, Joel and I exchanged the usual pleasantries, before I felt I should back off of my pace. I watched as the 'peloton' assumed various incarnations for the next couple miles until it permanently disappeared into the foliage.Around Mile 18.7 I entered the prairie. I had been warned about this section, that there’s no shade and the sun’s heat forces humidity into unbearable digits as it evaporates the headwaters of the Scuppernong River. It was painful to learn that the warnings were quite accurate. The humidity was so harsh that my cache of Shot Bloks began to ooze through the mesh pocket of my vest. The only redeeming qualities of this no-man’s land was its uniformity and views of the adjoining forest. Soon I began to recognize my surroundings and realized that I was now running on a
section my Dad, Nick and I had snowshoed the previous Christmas. That day, the snow was heavy and wet, and we returned to the car thoroughly soaked. I was sopping wet on this second visit, too, but not in the manner I would have preferred.The familiar terrain signaled that I was nearing the Highway 67 aid station (23.9). I caught up to Joel, who complained of feeling tired. I urged him on and then attempted a strong clip into the parking lot at 3:53:23 (-20:00). But the wind left my sails once I realized I had missed yet another family connection. I grew frustrated and almost angry at the time. I deeply needed their involvement, if only something as simple as an encouraging shout or familiar face.
I took some time at the County ZZ aid station (26.5, 4:20, -17:00), eating bananas and other fruit as a kind elderly gentleman filled my hydration bladder. Charles arrived shortly thereafter and spent little time at the sanctuary, wishing me well as he moved on. I turned to follow behind him when a sharp, searing sensation stopped me in my tracks. I could not bend my left leg. Then it became painfully clear, the twinge I felt at Mile 3 had morphed into something serious, only I hadn’t stopped long enough at any of the aid stations for it to take hold.
I decided to limp forward, every other step forcing me to grunt loudly and absorb incredible pain. Eventually, the debilitating feeling retreated to where I could manage a slight shuffle. However, the downhills were filled with more limping and grunting, and reaching the base of each hill felt like coming to the water’s surface after a turn on the high dive. It was exhilaration, not in a delightful way, but a twisted, panicked way.
Around Mile 28, the first of the relay runners came into view, looking strong. He had covered only about three miles, so it was to be expected. A couple more passed, and I cheered them on as my own form quietly unraveled. My pace had slowed in the heat, and the knee pain started to creep into other parts of my body. At Mile 29 I came to a complete stop. The throbbing was such that I didn’t know how I was going to make it to the next station, much less another 34 miles. Instead of getting customarily angry with myself, I broke down. As the tears began to collect and merge with the rest of the fluids that were rapidly leaving my pores, I once again forced the stricken leg forward to emulate some sort of walking motion. On a short straight section of the trail I turned to see Joel slowly approaching. When he came alongside me, I explained my predicament, and he offered up a couple ibuprofen tabs. I took them gracefully and thanked him in the most convincing manner I could muster. Little did he know that those two little pills literally carried me into the next aid station.
I arrived at Scuppernong (31.4) at 5:29, coincidentally close to my predicted split time of 5:30. My family was there, as were many others, cheering the incoming runners. Mom was sitting with Nick, who broke into a smile when he recognized that the raggedy-looking corpse kissing his forehead was his father. I tried my best to collect myself in view of so many strangers, although I was a bit disoriented and couldn’t convey to Aspen what I needed. She attempted to get me on a scale, and if it had been working properly I may have realized that I was severely dehydrated. I walked over to the aid station table shirtless, unaware that I was wearing a heart rate monitor that had been modified using a couple of my wife’s bra straps! Despite my incoherency I was able to scan the aid station table for anything that looked appetizing, settling on a handful of bite-sized PayDays, I inhaled these and grabbed some more, then returned for a third serving. (Note to self: PayDays). A lively aid station worker suggested putting ice in my pockets, and I thought, Why not? Into my pockets it went.
During this time, I could feel my composure returning, and the ibus continued to do their job. I slipped on a dry shirt and replaced and refilled all of my gear, including more Shot Bloks (in a Ziploc this time) and a new set of Vitalyte servings. As this course was an out-and-back, I had resolved to revisit the County ZZ aid station, where I would reevaluate my condition before deciding if I should drop out. Aspen asked ‘So where do you want us next?’ to which I blurted, ‘Every aid station you can get to. Please.’ I wasn't thinking clearly at this point, and I needed someone to carry a bit of my mental load.
I grabbed a handful of ibuprofens before I left, downing a few before staggering back into the woods. The mosquitoes were becoming an increasing nuisance, and I expect that they were always there, only I was now moving slow enough for them to catch me. About thirty minutes into my return trip, that first dose of drugs began to wear off, and the last tenuous layer of comfort would fall away. The miles were slowly tearing me down again and I felt I had nothing left to prevent the slide. Then, in a brief moment of clarity, I decided I was going to finish the race. I thought of my sister and her husband, the intense grief they were enduring, and I knew that my suffering was nothing compared to what they were going through. I could manage a few more hours of this and be able to celebrate at the end of the day, while their struggles would last a lifetime.
At around Mile 34, I returned to the rolling singletrack section before the County ZZ aid station, complete with the only true switchbacks of the entire course. I began to experiment with the downhills by pointing my left toe outward and using the bad leg as a crutch. This seemed to alleviate the impact somewhat, although I was still clenching my teeth on every other footfall. The second helping of ibuprofen had yet to engage my nerve endings, and I concluded then that I would never use those generic orange ones again.
I arrived at ZZ (36.4) at 6:47 (+27:00), to the concerned smiles of Aspen and Dad. Aspen was starting to get the hang of this crewing thing and immediately took my pack and refilled the hydration bladder. I settled into a camping chair and drank a couple handhelds-worth of ice water, while chatting with a few of the race supporters. One of them was a man waiting for the pastor of his church to arrive. He said he was pacing him for the final 38 miles in the 100-mile event, and I wished him and the preacher well. What I would give for a pacer right now, I thought to myself. I handed Dad my Blackberry; the battery was about dead and the sweaty headphone cords were becoming a distraction. Easing out of the chair, I turned to Dad and showed him the names of my sister’s family I had written on my bib the night before. I could barely utter the words ‘I’m running for them', before my emotions forced me to turn away. Leaving the aid station, I passed the pastor’s pacer and asked him to pray for me, knowing he’d understand exactly where I was coming from and where I was headed unless things started to turn around.
I rolled into the Hwy 67 aid station (39) at 7:26 (+31:00). Aspen was waiting with supplies, while Mom and Dad attended to Nick. I pulled off of the course and made my way to the aid table to research alternative fuels. As I collected a few chunks of fruit from one of the serving plates I told Aspen that if I had to eat one more Shot Blok, I was gonna barf! Mom and Dad showed up with Nick, and Dad remarked about how much better I looked than at the last aid station. Mentally, I was already at the finish line, accepting my kettle; physically, I was just a shell, hiding a temple that continued to crumble.
Exiting the Hwy 67 area forced me back into prairieland, and that’s when the incessant tune popped into my head. Over and over it played, and there was nothing I could do to ignore it. I tried singing another song out loud, hoping to cancel out the offending melody, only to stand by helplessly as the passage worked its way back into my psyche. I was missing the iPod terribly.
The open fields temporarily gave way to a short forested section, and a few spectators relaxing in lawn chairs started cheering as I passed by. I assumed I was at the Antique Lane station, with only three miles to Emma Carlin. I would be cruelly mistaken when I approached the real Antique Lane aid station (44.2) thirty minutes later. Defeated, I remembered that the previous station (Wilton Road, 41.5) had been added shortly before the race and after I had taped my splits to my handheld. Emma Carlin was still another three miles away.
I stopped to fill my bottle at one of the water containers. Bleccchhh. The water tasted terrible and smelled like a bayou. Were my other senses beginning to fail me now? Who spiked the punch bowl? A few more runners passed through briskly, and my surroundings began to take on a pleasant fuzzy white outline. I thought for a moment, ‘This is it. This is the best I can do’ and looked for a place to rest a while. There were no chairs and no shady spots in the grass, so I huddled under the table for a few minutes, contemplating my not-so-graceful exit. An SUV parked about a hundred feet down the road started and slowly drove away. In my altered state I assumed they were my last lifeline, and I would have to cover these next three miles on my own if I wanted to drop out of the race.
Craig and I rolled into the parking area at Emma Carlin (47.3, 10:08:21, +1:43), where my cheering section had grown to include my sister Amy and two of her kids,
I returned to a wooded, singletrack trail on the heels of Drew Waddell from Arlington Heights, IL. After chatting a while we learned that we were both in the middle of a year’s worth of firsts: first trail marathon, first ultra, first 100K, and so on. I eventually backed off of his pace and forged my own. By now the rainfall was penetrating the canopy, and the thunder grew increasingly unmistakable. The rain should have provided relief but did nothing more than drench me even further, as initial precipitation simply released more heat from the ground. Eventually the temperature began to wane, and I could feel my core coming back to life. Only, the storm continued to build in intensity, gathering moisture from some giant atmospheric sink. Just when I thought the downpour had peaked, the valve was opened another turn. Lightning punctured the deluge, sporadically striking the earth only yards away, causing me to instinctively shield my head from the impending impact.
I reached Horseriders (50.5) just behind Drew, and by now the rainfall was cascading from the skies in unbelievable amounts (subsequent weather reports estimated an incredible 11 inches per hour!) I moved on past him and the unmanned aid station into more undulating singletrack, overtaking a couple more runners along the way. The downpour was making navigation quite difficult for one bespectacled gentleman, and I was grateful to be wearing contacts at the time. Runoff was assuming the route of least resistance – the trail. At first I tried to thread my way through the less impacted terrain along the path, but after a while even that became a futile effort.
Around 7PM I trickled into Bluff (55.5) with Aspen and Amy waiting for me. The aid station was now almost completely covered with a tarp, and as I lingered inside to escape the assault of the Wisconsin State Bird I sensed that my body temp was beginning to climb again. I stepped outside and asked one of the volunteers to hit me with some bug repellant. He sprayed a little bit here and there before I told him to just baste me like a turkey. (Note – Garmins do not like bug spray.) Drew arrived at the station shortly thereafter and moved through quickly, while Adam Blum from Los Gatos, California rested in a chair within the tent. I wasn’t feeling particularly competitive at the moment, only more determined to finish the race and get that little kettle in my sweaty grip. Aspen said ‘Only 8 more miles!’ ‘7.5 miles’ I corrected her. Mentally, I was not gonna give up that half mile.
I had spent too much time standing in one place at Bluff and paid for it as I tried to exit. My left leg was almost incapacitated at this point. I yelped out loud during those first few hundred feet, then gradually focused that energy into a loping gait. It was only 2.5 miles to the next aid station, and by now the race had become a handful of bite-sized pieces. I entered another open grassy section and noticed a couple of the 100-milers making their way towards me. The second one was Mark, shirtless and running strong. I wasn’t expecting him on this part of the course and assumed he must have had some trouble. We exchanged a few encouraging words in passing, and Mark went on about the lightning storm. ‘I got kids, man! It’s not worth it!'
I reached Tamarack (57.8) around half-past 7, to the applause of a very friendly and able aid station crew. We traded some wit as one of them snapped a photo of me, my weathered form pacing back and forth in front of the aid table because I was afraid to stop. I downed a few banana pieces and proceeded along a tree-lined path, knowing the finish line was now within reach. ‘Five miles. I can do five miles’, I convinced myself aloud, over and over. ‘Four miles. I can do four miles.’
I struggled through the final PUD section, walking the downhills with my left leg straight as a kickstand. With two miles to go, the terrain began to soften, and I continued with my vocal self-encouragement. At this point, it felt almost natural to talk to myself. I had no music or companionship, only some rhythmic respiration and a few babbling words of support from my imaginary pacer. With about a half mile to go I instinctively turned around to find Adam closing in on me. I simply dropped my head and laughed. It was a fitting conclusion to a frustrating day. His fifth gear was spinning nicely, and he soon disappeared into the woods ahead of me.
The skies slowly reopened to unleash a final watery onslaught, and I lay on my back in the grass, offering my remains to any moisture I could absorb while others sought shelter. I closed my eyes for a moment and sensed the ground beginning to spin. Aspen helped me to my feet, and I made my way to my parents' RV, where I sat on the steps in a stupor with a bag of ice on my head and a couple bottles of water to empty. Gradually my condition began to worsen, and my teeth and fingers started to tingle. Recognizing from past experience the impending signs of heat exhaustion, I asked Aspen to find someone to help me before things got out of hand. She returned with a registered nurse who introduced herself as Ann. I asked her last name and she said ‘Heaslett, I’m Timo’s wife.’ I replied in a grateful haze, ‘Ah, I know you; you’re a legend!’ She chuckled bashfully and proceeded to carry me through the aftermath by returning with a cot and a blanket. I lay there as wave after wave of heat trauma coursed through my body. On the peaks I was craving a fat slice of pizza; in the troughs I wanted to throw up. Eventually, Aspen had to leave to get Nick to bed, and Dad helped me into the RV, where I lay down on a foldout bed. Ann returned later to check on my recovery, and I related that I hadn’t yet received my kettle. She excused herself and returned moments later with Timo, who ceremoniously presented me with the distinctive award like a general bestowing a Purple Heart upon a dying soldier. I smiled incoherently, cupping my trophy like a magic lamp. I’m not sure what I said in response, unable to fully express my gratitude with dialogue, but I remember managing a few words about returning next year. Was I that delirious?
It was dark when we pulled out of the Nordic parking lot, and I hoped for as much straight road as possible. I lay there under a sleeping bag with the kettle in my hands, knowing I had squashed the voice that begged me to quit several times during the race. The triumph was not in this trinket-sized goblet of copper, but in finally confronting my weaknesses. Even in my battered state, I felt stronger than I had in years. I had received the kettle empty, but it was now full.
For those interested in the race stats:
Finish: 13:56:31 [Officially 14th out of 38; much deeper in the field of all 100K finishers. Many of the 100 milers dropped at Nordic (Mile 62.9) and were given credit for 100K.]
100K
Entrants: 72
Starters: (will update when info becomes available)
Participants reported at Scuppernong (mile 31.4): 59
Finishers: 38
Percent Finished: (will update when info becomes available)
Winner: Christine Crawford, 38, Whitewater, WI, 11:08:12
100M
Entrants: 123
Starters: (will update when info becomes available)
Participants reported at Scuppernong (mile 31.4): 114
Participants reported at Nordic (mile 62.9): 81
Finishers: 37
Percent Finished: (will update when info becomes available)
Winner: Joel Eckberg, 37, Downers Grove, IL, 18:10:07 (Mark Tanaka 2nd, 20:39:37)
Weather (highs for June 7, 2008)
Temperature: 88˚F
Humidity: 86%
Dew Point: 70
Course overview: Caution, it's a big 'un!






